Sheik
by Lil-Miaka
Summary: Basicly the movie Mulan...Zelda style!Please R&R!PLEASE REVEIW! Or else Link will smite you!PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVEW!


Sheik

_(I don't own Zelda or Mulan)_

_(When Zelda is trying to be a boy I will adress her as Sheik)_

_A Hyrulian painting of the Great Wall of Hyrule is slowly painted across the screen. The words CraZy Ember Pictures present and then Sheik and the dragon symbol appear. The painting becomes animated, and a Hyrulian soldier walks around his post. Suddenly, a bird of prey hits the back of his head ... _

**Soldier**:

Ah! _The hawk lets out a call. The soldier walks over to the edge of the wall. A hook comes flying up, followed by many more._

**Soldier**:

_Running back to his post_ We're under attack! Light the signal!

_The door opens, revealing a couple of Bezlis. The soldier climbs up the ladder. _

**Soldier**:

_lighting the signal with a torch, while staring at Ganondorf; other signals go on all the way along the Great Wall_ Now all of Hyrule knows you're here.

**Ganondorf**:

_picking up a flag and toasting it in the signal fire_ Perfect.

_The Hyrulian General and two soldiers walk into the King's chamber and bow. _

**General**:

Your Majesty, Ganon's troops have crossed our Northern Border.

**Humsau: **

Impossible! No one can get through the Great Wall! _He is silenced with a raised hand from the King_

**General**:

Ganondorf is leading them. We'll set up defenses around your castle immediately.

**King**:

No! _Standing up_ Send your troops to protect my people! Chi Fu!

**Humsau:**

Yes, your Highness.

**King**:

Deliver conscription notices throughout all the provinces. Call up reserves, and as many new recruits as possible.

**General**:

Forgive me, your Majesty, but I believe my troops can stop him.

**King**:

I won't take any chances, General. A single grain of rice can tip the scale; one man may be the difference between victory and defeat.

**Zelda**:

_Using a stick to balance a grain of rice_  
Quiet and demure ... graceful, polite, delicate, refined, poised ...  
_she picks up a paintbrush and makes a mark on her arm_ ... punctual!  
_A _Cucco_ crows_ Aaiee!  
_Blowing on her arm_ Little brother! Little brother! Little-- _she glances down at a sleeping dog on the floor_  
Ah! There you are! _The dog wakes up_  
Who's the smartest doggy in the world? C'mon, smart boy! Can you help me with my chores today? _she ties a sack of _Cucco_ feed to his back, complete with a pole and a bone attached. Little Brother immediately chases the bone, running promptly into a wall and then out the door, scattering grain everywhere._

Henshal:

_praying_ Honorable Ancestors ... please help Zelda impress the Matchmaker today. _Little Brother, followed by a herd of _cucco_, bursts into the family temple._ Please, please help her.

**Zelda**:

God-Father, I brought you some ... Whoop! _bangs into Fa Zu, he catches the tea pot on his cane while the cups hit the ground and shatter_

Henshal:

Zelda ...

**Zelda**:

I brought a spare!

Henshal:

Zelda ...

**Zelda**:

Remember, the doctor said three cups of tea in the morning ...

Henshal:

Zelda.

**Zelda**:

... and three at night.

Henshal:

Zelda. You should already be in town. We're counting on you to ...

**Zelda**:

Uphold the family honor. Don't worry, God-Father. I won't let you down. Wish me luck!

Henshal:

Hurry! I'm going to ... pray some more.

_In town _

**Woman #1**:

Fa Li, where is your god-daughter? The Matchmaker is not a patient woman.

**Kourein: **

Of all the days to be late! I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck.

**Granny Fa**:

How lucky can they be? They're dead. Besides, I've got all the luck we'll need. _Holds up a wicker cage with a cricket inside._ This is your chance to prove yourself. _She closes her eyes and steps off the sidewalk._

**Kourein:**

Grandma! No!

_Granny Fa walks across the street; vehicles crash, but she emerges unharmed. _

**Granny Fa**:

Yup! This cricket's a lucky one! _Fa Li sighs._

_Zelda comes riding up on Epona, and hops off. _

**Zelda**:

I'm here! _looks at her god-mother_ What? But, Mama, I had to--

**Kourein:**

None of your excuses. Now, let's get you cleaned up.

_Begin "Honor to us all" _

**Woman #1**:

This is what you give me to work with?  
Well, honey, I've seen worse.  
We're going to turn this sow's ear  
Into a silk purse. put Zelda in a bath tub.

**Zelda**:

It's freezing!

**Kourein:**

It would've been warm, if you were here on time.

**Woman #1**:

We'll have you, washed and dried  
Primped and polished till you glow with pride  
Just my recipe for instant bride  
You'll bring honor to us all.

**Kourein:**

looks at Zelda's arm to find marks

Zelda, what's this?

**Zelda**:

Uh ... notes ... in case I forget something.

**Granny Fa**:

Hold this. _Hands Crickee to Fa Li_ We're going to need more luck than I thought.

**Woman #2**:

Wait and see, when we're through

**Woman #3**:

Boys will gladly go to war for you

**Woman #2**:

With good fortune

**Woman #3**:

And a great hairdo

**Both**:

You'll bring honor to us all.

A girl can bring her family  
Great honor in one way  
By striking a good match  
And this might be the day

**Woman #4**:

Men want girls with good taste

**Woman #5**:

Calm

**Kourein:**

Obedient

**Woman #5**:

Who work fast-paced

**Kourein:**

With good breeding

**Woman #5**:

And a tiny waist

put a corset on Zelda

**All**:

You'll bring honor to us all.

We all must serve our King  
Who guards us from Ganondorf  
A man by bearing arms  
A girl by bearing sons

**Woman #6**:

When we're through,  
You can't fail  
Like a lotus blossom, soft and pale  
How could any fellow say, "No sale"?  
You'll bring honor to us all!

**Kourein:**

There, you're ready.

**Granny Fa**:

Not yet! An apple for serenity  
A pendant for balance  
Beads of jade for beauty  
You must proudly show it  
Now, add a cricket, just for luck,  
And even you can't blow it!

they all push Zelda out the door

**Zelda**:

Ancestors, hear my plea,  
Please don't let me make a fool of me  
And to not uproot my family tree  
Keep my father standing tall.

Scarier than the Undertaker,  
We are meeting our matchmaker!  
Destiny, guard our girls,  
Help our future as it fast unfurls  
Please look kindly on these cultured pearls  
Each a perfect porcelain doll ...

Please bring honor to us  
Please bring honor to us  
Please bring honor to us  
Please bring honor to us  
Please bring honor to us all!

(song over)

**Matchmaker**:

Princess Zelda?

**Zelda**:

Present!

**Matchmaker**:

Speaking without permission ...

**Zelda**:

Oops ... _They go inside_

**Granny Fa**:

_to__Kourein_ Who spit in her bean curd?

**Matchmaker**:

Too skinny ... not good for bearing sons.

_Crickee hops out of his cage, Zelda frantically tries to put him back in. _

**Matchmaker**:

Recite the Final Admonition.

**Zelda**:

Mmm-hmm-hmm ... _pulls out a paper fan and spits Crickee out_

**Matchmaker**:

Well?

**Zelda**:

Fulfill your duties, calmly and ... _glances down at the crib notes written on her arm, which are smeared slightly_ respectively. Um, reflect before you ... snack. Act! Reflect before you _act._ This shall bring you honor and glory. _She fans herself, the matchmaker grabs the fan and searches it for cheat notes. Finding none, she grabs Zelda by the arm (where the notes are!) and pulls her toward a table. The writing comes off in her hand._

**Matchmaker**:

This way. Now, pour the tea. To please your future in-laws, you must demonstrate a sense of dignity _she rubs her hand over her mouth, and the ink rubs off with a squeak_ and refinement. You must also be poised. _Mulan, staring at the Matchmaker, pours the tea but misses the cup, then regains her composure and quickly fills the teacup._

_Zelda notices Crickee relaxing happily in the tea. The Matchmaker takes the teacup. _

**Zelda**:

Um, pardon me ...

**Matchmaker**:

And silent! _sniffs the tea_ Ah ...

**Zelda**:

Could I just take that back? One moment ... _She grabs for the cup_

_The Matchmaker fights for the teacup, and they both fall back, the tea spilling all over the Matchmaker. Crickee hops down her dress. _

**Matchmaker**:

Why, you clumsy! ... Oh! Ah! Woo! _She trips over the fire-pot, spilling the coals and then sitting on them, the bottom of her dress smoking. Zelda desperately fans the burned spot, and it bursts into flames. The matchmaker runs around screaming._

_Outside _

**Granny Fa**:

_hears the noise inside_

_To__Kourein_ I think it's going well, don't you?

_The matchmaker runs outside, screaming. _

**Matchmaker**:

Put it out! Put it out! PUT IT OUT! _Zelda throws tea over her, putting out the fire. Embarrassed, she hands the teapot to the Matchmaker and quickly walks toward__Kourein and Granny Fa._

**Matchmaker**:

_furious_ You are a DISGRACE! You may look like a bride, but you will NEVER bring your family honor!

_People start to walk away, whispering. _

_At the Fa farm _

_Zelda is greeted with a warm smile by her godfather, but, humiliated, she turns away and takes Epona to the stable. _

_Beginning of "Reflection" _

**Zelda**:

Look at me ... I will never pass for a perfect bride  
Or a perfect daughter  
Can it be?  
I'm not meant to play this part?  
Now I see  
That if I were truly to be myself  
I would break my family's heart.

Who is that girl I see  
Staring straight back at me  
Why is my reflection someone I don't know  
Somehow I cannot hide  
Who I am, though I've tried  
wipes off makeup

When will my reflection show  
Who I am inside?  
When will my reflection show  
Who I am, inside?

_**Later**_

Henshal:

My, my, what beautiful blossoms we have this year. But look, this one's late. I bet when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful of all.

_Zelda smiles_

_Drums sound _

**Zelda**:

What is it?

_Soldiers and Chi Fu come riding over a hill. _

**Kourein:**

Zelda, stay inside.

**Granny Fa**:

Ahem. _points toward a low roof. Zelda runs over to it and peers over the roof_

**Humsau:**

Citizens! I bring a proclamation from Hyrule! Ganon's troops have invaded Hyrule! By order of the King, one man from every family must serve in the Army. _Reading from list_ The Chow Family! The Yee Family!

hearing about a war with Ganondorf, worried Zelda about Link… but she was going to start worrying about someone else

**Son**:

I will serve the Emperor in my father's place.

**Humsau:**

The Fa Family!

**Zelda**:

No!

_Her godfather walks over to Chi Fu. _

Henshal:

I am ready to serve the King.

**Zelda**:

runs out to stop her godfather

Godfather, you can't go!

Henshal:

Zelda!

**Zelda**:

_To__Humsau_ Please, sir, my godfather has already fought for--

**Humsau:**

Silence! You will do well to teach your daughter to hold her tongue in a man's presence.

Henshal:

Zelda. You dishonor me.

**Humsau:**

Report tomorrow at the Moo-Shung Camp. _He hands Henshal a scroll._

Henshal:

Yes, sir.

**Humsau:**

_Continues to read_ The Chu Family! The Chang Family! The Yong Family!

_In Henshal's bedroom _

_Henshal yanks open his closet, revealing a suit of hyrulian armor_,_ and unsheaths a sword. Zelda watches. He practices techniques, but his leg gives out and he falls against a pillar, panting. _

_At dinner _

_Zelda pours the tea, then sets her cup down with a bang. _

**Zelda**:

You shouldn't have to go!

**Kourein:**

Zelda!

**Zelda**:

There are plenty of young men to fight for Hyrule!

Henshal:

It is an honor to protect my country and my family.

**Zelda**:

So you'll die for honor.

Henshal:

I will die doing what's right.

**Zelda**:

But if you ...

Henshal:

I know my place. It is time you learned yours.

_Zelda stares at her godfather for a moment, then runs outside crying. _

_Zelda is sitting in a statue of a dragon, crying. It is raining. Through the window of her house, she can see her godmother and godfather talking. Henshal picks up the candle and blows it out. Zelda thinks for a minute, then makes her decision. _

_Zelda walks into the Family Temple and lights a stick, placing it in a hanging statue of a small dragon. She runs into her parent's room, taking the scroll and leaving her hair comb. Taking her father's sword, she cuts her hair short and puts on her godfather's armor, along with a cowl, and wraping all uncovered limbs with cloth. Going out to the stable, she mounts Epona and sets off for the army. _

_The eyes of a statue in the temple flash, and Granny Fa wakes up. _

**Granny Fa**:

Zelda's is gone!

Henshal:

What? It can't be ... _He runs outside_ Zelda! No ...

**Kourein:**

You must go after her. She could be killed.

Henshal:

If I reveal her, she will be.

**Granny Fa**:

Ancestors, hear our prayer. Watch over Zelda.

_In the Family Temple, the characters on a tombstone light up, and they turn into the Great Ancestor. _

**Great Ancestor**:

_To the small hanging dragon statue_ Mushu, awaken.

_The statue shakes and smokes. _

**Vagia: **

I live! So, tell me, what mortal needs my protection, Great Ancestor. You just say the word, and I'm there.

**Great Ancestor**:

Vagia...

**Vagia:**

And lemme say something, anyone who's foolish enough to threaten OUR family, vengeance will be MINE! Grr ... arrgh ...

**Great Ancestor**:

Vagia! These are the family guardians. They ...

**Vagia:**

Protect the family.

**Great Ancestor**:

And you, O Demoted One ...

**Vagia**:

I ring the gong.

**Great Ancestor**:

That's right. Now, wake up the Ancestors ...

**Vagia**:

One family reunion coming right up. Okay, people, people, look alive! Let's go, c'mon, get up! Let's move it! Rise and shine! Y'all way past the beauty sleep thing.

**Ancestor #1**:

I knew it, I knew it. That Princess was a troublemaker from the start.

**Ancestor #2**:

Don't look at me, she gets it from your side of the family!

**Ancestor #3**:

She's just trying to help her father!

**Ancestor #4**:

But if she's discovered, Fa Zu will be forever shamed. Dishonor will come to the family. Traditional values will disintegrate!

**Ancestor #5**:

Not to mention they'll lose the farm!

**Ancestor #1**:

My children never caused such trouble; they all became acupuncturists!

**Ancestor #2**:

Well, we can't all be acupuncturists!

**Ancestor #6**:

No! Your great-granddaughter had to be a CROSS-DRESSER!

_The Ancestors start to argue _

**Ancestor #7**:

Let a guardian bring her back!

**Ancestor #2**:

Yes! Awaken the most cunning!

**Ancestor #4**:

No! The swiftest!

**Ancestor #8**:

No, send the wisest!

**Great Ancestor**:

SILENCE! We will send the most powerful of all.

**Vagia**:

_laughs_ Okay, okay, I get the Jif. I'll go.

_Laughter _

**Vagia**:

Well, y'all don't think I can do it! Watch this here! _Blows a tiny flame_ Ah-hah! Jump back, I'm pretty hot. But I don't have to singe nobody to prove no point.

**Great Ancestor**:

You had your chance to protect the Fa Family.

**Ancestor #6**:

Your misguidance led Fa Thang to disaster!

**Fa Thang**:headless

Yeah, thanks a lot.

**Vagia**:

And your point is?

**Great Ancestor**:

The point is, we will be sending a REAL dragon to retrieve Zelda.

**Vagia**:

What? What? I'm a real dragon!

**Great Ancestor**:

You're not even worthy of this thought! Now, awaken the Great Stone Dragon!

**Vagia**:

So you'll get back to me on the job thing. _He is hit in the face with his gong._

**Vagia**:

Just one chance. Is that too much to ask? I mean, it's not like it'll kill you. _To the dragon statue_ Yo, Rocky, wake up! You gotta go fetch Zelda! C'mon, boy! Go get her! Go on! C'mon! _He climbs up on the statue, dragging the gong._ Grr ... arrgh. Grr. Hello? Helloooo? HELLO! _He hits the ear of the dragon with the gong, and it falls off. Suddenly, the entire statue falls apart._ Uh-oh ...

**Vagia**:

Uh ... Stoney? Stoney ... Oh, man, they're gonna kill me!

**Great Ancestor**:

Great Stone Dragon! Have you awakened?

**Vagia:**

_Holding up the head of the Great Stone Dragon_ Uh, yes, I just woke up! Um, I am the Great Stone Dragon! Good morning! I will go forth and fetch Zelda! Did- did I mention that I am the Great Stone Dragon?

**Great Ancestor**:

Go! The fate of the Fa family rests in your claws.

**Vagia**:

Don't even worry about it. I will not lose face. _He loses his balance and tumbles down the hill, the dragon head landing on top of him._ Ow, ah, my elbow. Oh, oh, I know I twisted something. _He lifts the head off._ That's just great, now what? I'm doomed, and all because Princess Man decided to take a little drag show on the road.

**Crickee**:

Chirp.

**Vagia**:

Go GET her! What's the matter with you? After this Great Stone Humptey Dumptey mess, I'd have to bring her back with a medal to get back in the Temple! Waitaminute! That's it! I make Zelda a war hero, and they'll be begging me to come back to work! That's the master plan! Oh, you've done it now, man.

**Crickee**:

Chirp.

**Vagia**:

_running_ And what makes you think you're coming?

**Crickee**:

Chirp.

**Vagia**:

You're LUCKY? Do I look like a sucker to you?

**Crickee**:

Chirp.

**Vagia**:

What do you mean, a loser? What if I pop one of you antennae of and throw it across the yard, then who's the loser, or me?

**Crickee**:

Chirp.

_Vagia chases him out of the yard and down the road. _

_The Bezli army comes to a stop by a marsh. Two Hyrulian soldiers are dragged out of a tree and thrown before Ganondorf. _

**Moblin**:

Imperial Scouts.

**Soldier #1**:

Ganondorf!

**Ganondorf**:

Nice work, gentlemen. You've found the Bezli army.

_Laughter _

**Soldier #2**:

The King will stop you.

**Ganondorf**:

Stop me! He invited me. By building his wall, he challenged my strength. Well, I'm here to play his game. Go! Tell your King to send his strongest armies. I'm ready.

_The two soldiers scurry off, one after the other. _

**Ganondorf**:

How many men does it take to deliver a message?

**bokoblin Archer**:

One.

**Zelda**:

Okay. Okay, how about this: _in a deep voice_ Excuse me, where do I sign in? Ah, I see you have a sword. I have one, too. They're very manly, and strong. _She fumbles with the sword, dropping it on the ground._

_Epona rolls with laughter, and is hit by a shoe. _

**Zelda**:

I'm working on it! Oh, who am I fooling. It'd take a miracle to get me into the army.

**Vagia**:

_covered in smoke, and surrounded by fire, all Zelda can see is his giant shadow._ Did I hear someone ask for a miracle! Lemme hear ya say, "Aaah!"

**Zelda**:

Aughhh!

**Vagia**:

That's close enough!

**Zelda**:

A ghost!

**Vagia**:

Get ready, Zelda, your seventeen halation is at hand, for I have been sent by your ancestors to guide you through your masquerade! _He glances down at Crickee, who is making finger-shadows of a dragon's head, and kicks him._ C'mon, you're gonna stay, you're gonna work with me. _To Zelda_ So heed my words, cause if the army finds out you're a girl, the penalty is death.

**Zelda**:

Who are you?

**Vagia**:

Who am I? WHO am I? I am the guardian of lost souls! I am the powerful, the pleasurable, the indestructible Vagia. comes out of the smoke.

_Zelda stares at the tiny dragon for a moment. _

**Vagia**:

Ah, I'm pretty hot, huh? _Immediately Epona steps all over him._

**Zelda**:

My ancestors sent a little lizard to help me?

**Vagia**:

Hey, dragon, dragon, not lizard. I don't do that tongue-thing.

does the "tongue-thing"

**Zelda**:

You're ... um ...

**Vagia**:

Intimidating? All inspiring?

**Zelda**:

Tiny!

**Vagia**:

Of course! I am travel-sized, for your convenience. If I was my REAL size, your cow here would die of fright. _Epona tries to chomp him._ DOWN, Bessy. My powers are beyond your mortal imagination. For instance, my eyes can see straight through your armor.Zelda hits him Alright! That's it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! Make a note of this. Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow, dis-

**Zelda**:

Stop! I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I'm just nervous. I've never done this before.

**Vagia**:

Then you're gonna have to trust me. And don't you slap me no more. You clear on that? _Zelda nods_. Alright. Okey-dokey! Let's get this show on the road! Crickee, get the bags! _To Epona_ Let's move it heifer!

_At the Moo-Shung Camp _

**Vagia**:

Okay, this is it! Time to show them your man-walk. Shoulders back, chest high, feet apart, head up, and strut! Two three, break that bone, two, three, and work it!

**Vagia**:

_They pass men trimming their toenails and picking their noses_ Beautiful, isn't it.

**Zelda**:

They're disgusting.

**Vagia**:

No, they're men. And you're gonna have to act just like them, so pay attention.

**Recruit**:

Look! This tattoo will protect me from harm!

**Xal**:

Hmmm ... _punches the recruit_

**Yeshe**:

_laughing_ I hope you can get your money back!

**Zelda**:

I don't think I can do this ...

**Vagia**:

It's all attitude! Be tough, like this guy here!

**Xal**:

_spits_ What are you looking at?

**Vagia**:

Punch him. It's how men say hello. _Zelda punches Xal; he slams into Wahuu._

**Wahuu**:

Oh, Xal! You've made a friend!

**Vagia**:

Good. Now slap him on the behind. They like that. _Zelda slaps Xal._

**Xal**:

Woo hoo ... I'm gonna hit you so hard, it'll make your ancestors dizzy.

**Wahuu**:

_Picks up Xal_ Xal, relax and chant with me.

**Xal**:

errrrrgh ...

**Wahuu**:

nanuami tofu dah ...

**Xal**:

nonuamitofudaaah.

**Wahuu**:

Feel better?

**Xal**:

nrrgh. Ah, you ain't worth my time. Cucco boy.

**Vagia**:

Making it look like Zelda's saying it Cucco boy? Say that to my face, you limp noodle!

**Xal**:

Rrraaaaghhh! _Grabs Zelda and punches; she ducks and he punches Yashe three times._ Oh, sorry Yashe. Hey! _reaches down to catch Zelda from crawling away, and Yashe kicks him into Wahuu, then attacks with a flying side kick. They start fighting, with Wahuu swiping to get them off. Zelda scrambles away._

**Yashe**:

Hey! There he goes! _They chase Zelda through a tent, and the Gang of Three stop abruptly at the end of the food line. Wahuu knocks everyone over, like dominoes, and finally the pot overturns. Everyone gets up and advances on Zelda._

**Zelda**:

Hey, guys ...

_Inside the Captain's Tent _

**General**:

The Bezlis have struck here, here, and here. I will take the main troops up to the Tung Chow Pass and stop Gonondorf before he destroys this village.

**Humsau**:

Excellent strategy, sir! I do love surprises.

**General**:

_to Link_ You will stay and train the new recruits. When Humsau believes you're ready, you will join us ... Captain.

**Link**:

Captain?

**Humsau**:

Oh! This is an enormous responsibility, General! Perhaps a soldier with more experience?

**General**:

Number one in his class, extensive knowledge of training techniques ... an impressive military linuage ... I believe Link will do an excellent job.

**Link**:

Oh I will! I won't let you down! This is... I mean... Yes sir.

**General**:

Very good, then. We'll toast Hyrule's victory in Hyrule Central. I'll expect a full report in three weeks.

**Humsau**:

And believe me, I won't leave anything out.

_the General and Humsau leave the tent _

**Link**:

Captain Link. Leader of Hyrule's finest troops. No, the greatest troops of all time. _He steps outside to find the recruts fighting_

**Humsau: **

Most impressive.

**General**:

Good luck, Captain! Yah! _He rides off, followed by two lines of soldiers on horses._

**Link**:

Good luck ... Father.

**Humsau**:

Day one.

**Link**:

Soldiers!

_Soldiers separate, revealing a cowering Zelda _

**Soldiers**:

HE started it!

**Link**:

_to Zelda_ I don't need anyone causing trouble in my camp.

**Zelda**:

Sorry ... _in a deep voice_ I mean, sorry you had to say that. But you know what it is when you get those manly urges ... just gotta KILL something. Fix things ... a cook outdoors ...

**Link**:

What's your name?

**Zelda**:

uh...um...uh...

**Humsau**:

Your commanding officer just asked you a question!

**Zelda**:

I've got a name ... and it's a boy's name, too.

**Vagia**:

Yeshe! How 'bout Yeshe?

**Zelda**:

(to Vagia) HIS name is Yeshe.

**Link**:

I didn't ask for HIS name, I asked for yours!

**Vagia**:

Uh ... Ah-chu!

**Zelda**:

Ah-chu!

**Link**:

AH-CHU!

**Vagia**:

Gesuintit! Hee hee ... I kill myself.

**Zelda**:

Vagia ...

**Link**:

VAGIA?

**Zelda**:

No.

**Link**:

Then WHAT is it!

**Vagia**:

Sheik! In that outfit you look like a Sheikah.

**Zelda**:

It's Sheik.

**Link**:

Sheik.

**Zelda**:

Yes. My name is Sheik.

**Link**:

Let me see your conscription notice. _Zelda hands the scroll to him._ Henshal? THE Henshal?

**Humsau**:

I didn't know Henshal had a son.

**Zelda**:

Er, he ... doesn't talk about me much. _She attempts to spit, but relizess that she has a cowl on._Eww!

**Humsau**:

I can see why. The boy's an absolute lunatic! (Laughter)

**Link**:

Okay, gentlemen, thanks to your new friend Sheik, you'll spend tonight picking up every single grain of rice. Tomorrow, the real work begins.

_Grumbling _

**Vagia**:

You know, we have to work on your people skills.

_Inside Zelda's tent _

_Vagia picks up Crickee and uses him for an alarm clock. _

**Vagia**:

All right, rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty! C'mon, hup, hup, hup!

_Zelda pulls the blanket over her, and Vagia pulls it off. _

**Vagia**:

Get your clothes on, get ready! Got breakfast ready. Look, you get porridge! And it's happy to see you!

_Crickee is resting happily in the bowl of porridge, Vagia uses chopsticks to fish him out. _

**Vagia**:

Hey, get out of there! You're gonna make people sick!

**Zelda**:

Am I late?

**Vagia**:

_stuffs porridge in her mouth_ No time to talk. Now, remember, it's your first day of training, so listen to your teacher and no fighting, play nice with the other kids, unless, of course, the other kids want to fight, then you gotta kick the other kid's butt.

**Zelda**:

But I don't want to kick the other kids' butts.

**Vagia**:

Don't talk with your mouth full. Now let's see your war face.

_Zelda looks at Vagia, her mouth full of porridge. _

**Vagia**:

Oh, I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover. C'mon, scare me, girl!

**Zelda**:

Rrrrraaaaarrrgggghhhhh!

**Vagia**:

That's my tough looking warrior! That's what I'm talking about! Now, get out there and make me proud!

_Epona neighs frantically _

**Vagia**:

What do you mean, the troops just left?

**Zelda**:

They WHAT? _She rushes out of the tent_

**Vagia**:

Wait, you forgot your sword! _sniffs_ My little baby, off to destroy people ...

**Humsau**:

Order! People, order!

**Soldier**:

I'd like a pan-fried noodle!

**Wahuu**:

Sweet and pungent shrimp.

**Humsau**:

That's not funny.

**Yeshe**:

Looks like our new friend slept in this morning. Why, hello, Sheik, Are ya hungry?

**Xal**:

Yeah, cause I owe you a knuckle sandwich.

**Link**:

Soldiers! You will assemble swiftly and silently, every morning. Anyone who does otherwise, will answer to me.

_He takes off his shirt, and Zelda stares in awe. _

**Xal**:

Ooh, tough guy.

**Link**:

_Xal!pulls out a bow and arrow, everyone else steps back, and Link aims it at Xal, then at the top of a high pole in the middle of the camp._ Thank you for volunteering. Retrieve the arrow.

**Xal**:

I'll get that arrow, pretty boy, and I'll do it with my shirt on. _He walks over to the pole and prepares to climb up it._

**Link**:

One moment, you seem to be missing something. _He pulls two giant medals out of a box._ This represents Corrage. And this represents Wisdom. You need both to reach the arrow. _He ties them around Xal's wrists, and all the soldiers after him, and none of them can make it to the arrow._

**Link**:

We've got a long way to go.

_Beginning of "I'll Make a Man Out of You." _

**Link**:

Let's get down to business  
To defeat the Bezlis  
Did they send me daughters  
When I asked for sons

You're the saddest bunch  
I ever met, but you can bet  
Before we're through

grabs "Sheik" by the collar  
Mister, I'll make a man  
Out of you.

Tranquil as a forest  
But on fire within  
Once you find your center  
You are sure to win  
You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot  
And you can bet before we're through  
Mister, I'll make a man out of you.

**Wahuu**:

I'm never gonna catch my breath

**Xal**:

Say good-bye to those who knew me

**Yeshe**:

Boy I was a fool in school for cutting gym

**Vagia**:

This guy's got 'em scared to death

**Zelda**:

I hope he doesn't see right through me

**Wahuu**:

Now I really wish that I knew how to swim

(Be a man)  
We must be swift as a coursing river  
(Be a man)  
With all the force of a great typhoon  
(Be a man)  
With all the strength of a raging fire  
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

Sheik was behind the rest and collapsed, Link came over and took the thing she was carrying

Time is racing t'ward us  
Till the Bezlis arrive  
Heed my every order  
And you might survive

Link was making Sheik pack up to go home  
You're unsuited for the rage of war  
So pack up, go home, you're through  
How could I make a man out of you

Zelda looked up at the arrow and decided to try again she tried to reach it like she originally did but failed miserably, but then realized how to do it. Around the pole she wrapped the pendants together and used that to climb up there. As the sun was rising, the recruits that woke up stared in amassment, and by the time Link woke up he saw an arrow land down in front of him, he looked up at the top of the pole to find Sheik with the two pendants waving to every one. After this everything was better.

(Be a man)  
We must be swift as a coursing river,  
(Be a man)  
With all the force of a great typhoon  
(Be a man)  
With all the strength of a raging fire  
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

(Be a man)  
We must be swift as a coursing river  
(Be a man)  
With all the force of a great typhoon  
(Be a man)  
With all the strength of a raging fire  
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon!

**Every One**:

YAH!

_Ganondorf cuts the top off a tree. The hawk flies overhead and drops a small doll. Ganondorf jumps down from the tree and throws the doll to one of the minions. _

**Ganondorf**:

What do you see?

**Min #1**:

Black pine ... from the high mountains!

**Min #2**:

White horse hair ... Imperial stallions.

**Min #3**:

Sulphur ... from cannons.

**Ganondorf**:

This doll came from a village in the Tung Show Pass, where the Hyrule Army is waiting.

**Min Archer**:

We can avoid them easily.

**Ganondorf**:

No. The quickest way to the King is through that pass. Besides, the little girl will be missing her doll. We should return it to her.

_Moo Shung Camp, at night _

**Vagia**:

Hey, this is not a good idea. What if somebody sees you?

**Zelda**:

Just because I look like a man doesn't mean I have to smell like one.

**Vagia**:

so a couple guys don't rinse out their socks. Picky, picky, picky. Myself, I kinda like that corn-chip smell.

**Zelda**:

_Jumps in the water_ Ah.

**Vagia**:

Okay, all right, alright, that's enough, now c'mon, get out before you get all pruney and stuff.

**Zelda**:

Vagia, if you're so worried, go stand watch!

**Vagia**:

Yeah, yeah.trys to imitate Zelda Stand watch, Vagia, while I blow our secret with my stupid girly habits. Hygiene.

_Three (naked) men flash by, laughing. _

**Vagia**:

We're doomed! There're a couple of things I KNOW they're bound to notice!

_Zelda ducks into the water as Yeshe, Xal and Wahuu jump into the water. She tries to hide herself with a lilypad. _

**Xal**:

Hey, Shiek!

"**Sheik"**:

Oh, hi, guys, I didn't know you were HERE. I was just washing so now I'm clean and I'm gonna go. Bye-bye.

**Yeshe**:

Come back here! I know we were jerks to you before, so let's start over. Hi, I'm Yeshe.

**Wahuu**:

And I'm Wahuu.

**Zelda**:

Hello, Wahuu.

**Xal**:

And I am Xal, King of the Rock! And there's nothing you girls can do about it.

**Yeshe**:

Oh yeah? Well, I think Sheik and I can take you!

**Zelda**:

I really don't want to take him anywhere.

**Yeshe**:

But, Sheik! We have to fight!

**Zelda**:

No, we don't. We could just close our eyes, and ... swim around!

**Yeshe**:

C'mon! Don't' be such a ... OW! Something bit me!

**Vagia**:

poping up out of the waterWhat a nasty flavor.

**Yeshe**:

_sees Vagia_ SNAKE!

_While Xal, Wahuu and Yeshe are shrieking, Zelda whistles for Epona and sneaks away. _

_**Yeshe**: _

_huddled on the rock with Wahuu and Xal Some King of the Rock. _

_**Zelda**: _

_Boy, that was close. _

_**Vagia**: _

_No, that was vile. You owe me big! _

_**Zelda**: _

_I never want to see a naked man again. _

_A herd of naked men flash by. _

_**Vagia**: _

_Don't look at me, I ain't biting no more butts. _

_In Humsau's tent _

_**Humsau**: _

_You think your troops are ready to fight? Hah! They wouldn't last a minute against the Bezli army! _

_**Link**: _

_They completed their training. _

_**Humsau**: _

_Those boys are no more fit to be soldiers than you are to be captain. Once the general reads my report, your troops will never see battle. _

_**Vagia**: _

_Oh, no, you don't! I've worked too hard to get Zelda into this war! This guy's messing with my plans! _

_**Link**: _

_We're not finished! _

_**Humsau**: _

_Be careful, Captain. The general may be your father, but I am the King's Council. And, oh, by the way, I got that job on my own. You're dismissed. _

_**Zelda**: _

_to Link Hey, I'll hold him, and you punch! ... Or not. For what it's worth, I think you're a great captain! _

_**Vagia**: _

_I saw that. _

_**Zelda**: _

_What? _

_**Vagia**: _

_You like him, don't you _

_**Zelda**:_

_Zelda blushed, last time she had ever seen him they where children _

_No! I ... _

_**Vagia**: _

_Yeah, right, sure. GO TO YOUR TENT! _

_Smiling, Zelda walks away. _

_**Vagia**: _

_to Crickee I think it's time we took this war into our own hands. _

_They rush into the tent as Humsau strolls out, dressed in a towel, a hat, and slippers. _

_Crickee types out a letter, like a typewriter. _

_**Vagia**: _

_Okay, lemme see what you've got. reads From General Lee. 'Dear Son, we're waiting for the Bezli army at the pass. It would mean a lot of you'd come and back us up.' Hmm. That's great, except that you forgot, 'and since we're out of popourri, perhaps you wouldn't mind bringing up some!' HELLO! This is the army! Make it sound a little urgent, please. You know what I'm talking about? _

_Crickee hops around typing out another letter. _

_**Vagia**: _

_That's better, much better! Let's go! _

_**Vagia**: _

_Eponey, baby. We need a ride. Epona squirts him off, and Crickee slowly backs off. _

_At the lake. Laughter _

_**Humsau**: _

_Insubordinate ruffians. You men owe me a new pair of slippers! More laughter And I do not squeal like a girl! He turns to see a straw soldier (Vagia and Crickee) riding a panda bear. Eeeeeeek! _

_**Vagia**: _

_In a deep voice Urgent news from the general! He holds out a scroll What's the matter, you've never seen a black and white before? _

_**Humsau**: _

_Who are you? _

_**Vagia**: _

_Excuse me? I think the question should be, who are you! We're in a war, man! There's no time for stupid questions! I should have your hat for that! Snatch it right off your head! I'm feeling gracious today, so ... carry on. Humsau turns, and the panda climbs up a nearby tree. _

_In the captain's tent _

_**Humsau**: _

Captain! Urgent news from the general! We're needed at the front!

**_Vagia_**:

_Pack your bags, Crickee, we're moving out! _

_Begin "A Girl Worth Fighting For." _

_**All**:For a long time we've been marching off to battle.  
**Xal**:In our thundering herd, we feel a lot like cattlenerby cows moo.  
**All**:Like the pounding beat, our aching feet aren't easy to ignore.  
**Yeshe**:Hey! Think of instead, a girl worth fighting for!  
**Zelda**:Huh?  
**Yeshe:**That's what I said! A girl worth fighting for!_

_I want her paler than the moon, with eyes that shine like stars.  
**Xal**:My girl will marvel at my strength, adore my battle scars!  
**Wahuu**:I couldn't care less what she'll wear, or what she looks like!  
It all depends on what she cooks like!  
Beef, pork, chicken, mmm ..._

_**Xal**:To SheikBet the local girls thought you were quite the charmer!  
**Yeshe:**And I bet the ladies love a man in armor!  
You can guess what we have missed the most  
Since we went off to war!  
What do we want?  
A girl worth fighting for!_

_**Yeshe**:My girl will think I have no flaws  
**Xal**:That I'm a major find  
**Zelda**:How 'bout a girl who's got a brain, who always speaks her mind?  
Nah!  
**Yeshe**:My manly ways and turn of phrase and sure to thrill her!  
**Xal**:He thinks he's such a lady-killer!_

_**Humsau:**I've a girl back home who's unlike any other!  
**Xal**:to SheikYeah, the only girl who'd love him is his mother!  
But when we come home, in victory  
They'll line up at the door!_

_What do we want?  
A girl worth fighting for!  
Wish that I had  
A girl worth fighting for!  
A girl worth fighting--_

_The Hyrule army stares in horror at the charred and burning remnants of a small village. They walk through it. _

_**Link**: _

_Search for survivors! _

_Zelda picks up a small doll _

_**Link**: _

_I don't understand. My father should've been here. _

_**Humsau**: _

_Captain! (They turn to see a bloody battlefield full of dead Hyrule soldiers. Wahuu hands the general's helmet to Link.) _

_**Wahuu**: _

_The ... general…sir. _

_Link takes his sword and sticks it in the snow, then places the helmet on the hilt and says a prayer. _

_**Zelda**: _

_I'm sorry. _

_**Link**: _

_mounts his horse The Bezlis are moving quickly. We'll make better time to central Hyrule through the Tung Show pass. We're the only hope for the King now. Move out! _

_The army slowly walks away. Zelda places the doll by Link's sword and joins the others. _

_As the Hyrule Soldiers slowly walk through the mountain pass, a rocket in the wagon attached to Epona suddenly goes off, shooting into the sky. Zelda looks at Vagia accusingly. _

_**Link**: _

_What happened? You just gave away out position! Now we're-- an arrow hits his shoulder, throwing him off the horse. Bezlis appear on a cliff, and arrows shower down on the soldiers. Get out of range! _

_The pitiful Hyrule army struggles to get away from the Bezlis, but are intercepted by another group of Bezlis up on another cliff. _

_**Link**: _

_Save the cannons! The soldiers pass the cannons from the wagon to each other. The wagon gets hit by a flaming arrow, and Zelda cuts Epona's reins and mounts him. The wagon explodes, sending Vagia and Crickee flying. Zelda falls off the horse. _

_**Vagia**: _

_Oh, sure, save the horse. Zelda grabs Vagia and her sword and runs over to the other soldiers. _

_**Link**: _

_Fire! The soldier lights the cannon, and it explodes on the mountain. More follow. Fire! There is no sound from the Bezlis, who are no longer on the cliffs. Hold the last cannon. _

_Suddenly, a horse appears on the hill. Ganondorf is soon joined by hundreds of his soldiers. _

_**Link**: _

_Prepare to fight. If we die, we die with honor. The Bezlis charge the Hyrule Army. Xal. Aim the cannon at Goanodorf. Xal aims the cannon. _

_While glancing at her sword, Zelda notices a glacial overhang. She grabs the cannon and runs toward the Bezlis, aiming at the overhang. _

_**Link**: _

_Sheik! Sheik, come back! _

_Frantically, as Ganondorf draws nearer, his sword raised, Zelda fumbles with the match. _

_**Vagia**: _

_Okay, you might want to light that right about now, Quickly, quickly! Zelda is attacked by Ganondorf's hawk, and loses the match. _

_**Xal**: _

_C'mon, we gotta help! The Gang of Three run toward Zelda, swinging their swords. _

_Zelda uses Vagia to light the cannon fuse, and it shoots off toward the overhang. _

_**Vagia**: _

_You missed! How could you miss! He was three feet in front of you! The cannon hits the overhang with a bang, and causes an avalanche that rains down on the Bezli Army, burying in them. In fury, Ganondorf roars and hits Zelda in the side with his sword blade. She quickly runs away from the avalanche, pulling Link with her. Epona runs toward them, and Zelda gets on and tries to give Link a hand, but he loses his grip and is dragged into the snow. _

_**Vagia**: _

_riding down the snow in a hubcap Zelda! Zelda! Zelda? He pulls a Minion's head out of the snow. Nope. Zelda! He reaches down and pulls out Crickee. Man, you are one lucky bug. _

_Zelda and Epona break out of the snow and race toward Link, who, unconscious, is sliding on the snow toward a cliff. _

_**Zelda**: _

_Link! She pulls him up onto the saddle. _

_**Wahuu**: _

_holding up Xal Do you see them? _

_**Xal**: _

_Yes! He fits an arrow, which is tied to a length of rope, and shoots it toward Zelda. Perfect! Now I'll pull them to safety! The rope slips through his hands. _

_**Vagia**: _

_sliding near Zelda and Link Zelda! I found a lucky cricket! _

_**Zelda**: _

_We need help! The arrow flies near them, Zelda grabs it and ties it around Epona. _

_**Vagia**: _

_to Crickee Nice, very nice! You can sit by me! They climb up onto Epona, and notice the cliff. Aaaugh! We're gonna die! We're gonna die! No way we survive this! Death is coming! Zelda shoots the arrow up as they fall off the cliff. _

_**Xal**: _

_crying I let them slip through my fingers ... looks surprised as the arrow, complete with rope, lands in his hands. He is dragged toward the cliff edge, soldiers jumping on top of him. Finally Wahuu walks over, picks all the soldiers up, and walks backward, pulling Zelda, Epona, and Link up onto the ground. _

_**Vagia**: _

_I knew we could do it! You the man! Well, sort of. _

_**Yeshe: **_

_Step back, guys. Give him some air! _

_**Link**: _

_breathing heavily Sheik, you are the craziest man I ever me!. And for that, I owe you my life. From now on, you have my trust. _

_**Yeshe**: _

_Let's hear it for Sheik, the bravest of us all! _

_**Xal**: _

_You're King of the Mountain! _

_Cheering _

_Zelda tries to stand up, but collapses to the ground, gasping. _

_**Link**: _

_Sheik! What's wrong? Zelda moves her hands to reveal blood. He's wounded! Get help! Zelda sinks into unconsciousness. Sheik, hold on. Hold on._

_The doctor emerges from his tent and says something to Link, who looks disturbed and rushes inside. He looks at Zelda, who sits up in bed, her side bandaged. Link stares at her, recognizing her as a girl. Zelda realizes her mistake and pulls the blanket back on. _

_**Zelda**: _

_I can explain! _

_**Humsau**: _

_So it's true! _

_**Zelda**: _

_Link! _

_**Humsau**: _

_yanking Zelda out of the tent and pulling her cowl off I knew there was something wrong with you! A woman! Treacherous snake! _

_**Zelda**: _

_My name is Zelda. I did it to save my godfather! And…looks at Link _

_**Humsau**: _

_High treason! _

_**Zelda**: _

_I didn't mean for it to go this far! _

_**Humsau**: _

_Ultimate dishonor! _

_**Zelda**: _

_It was the only way! Please, believe me! _

_**Humsau**: _

_Captain? _

_Link walks over to Epona and takes out Zelda's sword. The Gang of Three start to rush over to her, but Humsau stops them. _

_**Humsau**: _

_to the soldiers holding Epona Restrain him. to the Gang of Three You know the law. _

_Link walks over to Zelda and throws the sword in the snow in front of her. _

_**Link**: _

_A life for a life. My debt is repaid. to the soldiers Move out! _

_**Humsau**: _

_But you can't just ... _

_**Link**: _

_to Humsau I said, 'Move out.' _

_The Hyrule Army sadly walks away, leaving Zelda, Vagia, and Epona in the snow. _

_**Vagia**: _

_I was this close. This close! To impressing the ancestors, getting the top shelf, in entourage ... man. All my fine work. He uses the tip of an arrow to roast a piece of food over a tiny fire.To Zelda Hi… _

_**Zelda**: _

_I should never have left home. _

_**Vagia**: _

_Hey C'mon. You wanted to save your father's life. Who knew you'd end up shaming him, disgracing your ancestors and losing all your friends. Y'know, you just gotta ... just gotta learn to let these things go. _

_**Zelda**: _

_Maybe I didn't go for my godfather. Maybe what I really wanted was to prove that I could do things right. So that when I looked in the mirror (she picks up her helmet) I'd see someone worthwhile. But I was wrong. I see nothing. _

_**Vagia**: _

_Hey, that's just cause this needs a little spit, that's all. He spits on the helmet. Let me shine this up for you. I can see you, lookit you, you look so pretty!…Sigh… The truth is, we're both frauds. Your ancestors didn't send me; they don't even like me. I mean, you risked your life to help people you love. I risked your life to help myself. At least you had good intentions. _

_Crickee starts to cry _

_**Vagia**: _

_What do you mean, you're not lucky! You ... lied to me? Crickee nods. Vagia turns to Epona. And what are you, a sheep? _

_**Zelda**: _

_I'll have to face my father sooner or later. Let's go home _

_**Vagia**: _

_Yeah. This ain't gonna be pretty. But don't you worry, okay? Things will work out. We started this thing together and that's how we'll finish it. I promise. _

_The shadow of a hawk flies overheard, and around a bend. Ganondorf climbs out of the snow and looks around. He lets out a roar. Soon he is joined by five of his soldiers. They start down the path toward Central Hyrule. Zelda watches them, grabs her sword, mounts Epona and turns after Ganondorf. _

_**Vagia**: _

_Uh, home is that way. _

_**Zelda**: _

_Not my REAL home! Besides, I have to do something. _

_**Vagia**: _

_Did you see those guys? They popped out of the snow! LIKE DAISIES! _

_**Zelda**: _

_Are we in this together, or not? _

_**Vagia**: _

_looks guilty Let's go kick some Honey Bunch! He and Crickee jump on Epona, and they ride down the mountain, whooping. _

_In Central Hyrule…_

_The Hyrule citizens watch happily as they celebrate Hyrule's victory with a parade. _

_**Parade Leader**: _

_Make way for the heroes of Hyrule! Link, the Gang of Three and the other soldiers follow glumly behind, and behind them is a large Hylian dragon. _

_Zelda comes riding up beside Link _

_**Zelda**: _

_LINK! _

_**Link**: _

_Zelda? _

_**Zelda**: _

_Ganondorf is alive, and so is his army! They're in the city! _

_**Link**: _

_You don't belong here, Zelda. Go home. _

_**Zelda**: _

_Link, I saw them in the mountains! You have to believe me! _

_**Link**: _

_Why should I? _

_**Zelda**: _

_Why else would I come back? You said you'd trust Sheik. Why is Zelda any different? Link rides around her. To the Gang of Three Keep your eyes open. I know they're here. Yah! _

_**Vagia**: _

_as Zelda dismounts Epona Now where are you going? _

_**Zelda**: _

_To find someone who will believe me! she hurries off into the crowd. _

_The Hyrule Army climbs the steps to the Great Palace, followed by the Hyrulian Dragon. The King meets them. _

_**King**: _

_My children! The goddess smile down upon the Hyrule Kingdom! Chin will sleep safely tonight, thanks to our brave warriors! _

_**Zelda**: _

_to a citizen Sir, the Emperor's in danger! _

_**Man**: _

_Huh! _

_**Zelda**: _

_But Ganondorf is HERE! to another man Please, you have to help! _

_**Man**: _

_Eh! _

_**Zelda**: _

_to Vagia No one will listen! _

_**Vagia**: _

_Huh? Oh, I'm sorry, did you say something? _

_**Zelda**: _

_Vagia ... _

_**Vagia**: _

_Hey, you're a girl again, remember? _

_**Link**: _

_Your Majesty, I present to you the sword of Ganondorf. _

_**King**: _

_I know what this means to you, Captain Link. Your father would have been very proud. _

_Ganondorf's hawk swoops down and grabs the sword. It flaps up to the roof, where a line of stone gargoyles are resting. One of the gargoyles moves and takes the sword. Bezlis jump out of the Hyrulian Dragon. One of them grabs the king and takes him into the palace. _

_**Link**: _

_No! _

_**Xal**: _

_C'mon! They run up to the palace, but the Bezlis close the great doors. On the roof, Ganondorf laughs. _

_The Hyrule Army uses a statue to try to break into the palace. _

_**Zelda**: _

_They'll never reach the King in time. She looks around, then at the tall pillars by the side of the palace. She whistles to them. Hey guys! I've got an idea! The Gang of Three looks at each other and then follows Zelda, dropping the statue. _

_They all take off their equipment, and put on dresses and makeup, and they use the silk belts around their waists to climb up the pillars. Next to them, Link takes off his cape and climbs up. _

_Inside the palace, on a balcony, Ganondorf held the King. Ganondorf sticks his head in the king's face. _

_**Ganondorf**: _

_to the King Boo. to his soldiers Guard the door! to the King Your walls and armies have fallen. And now it's your turn. Bow to me. _

_Outside, Zelda and the Gang of Three prepare to get past the guards. _

_**Zelda**: _

_Okay. Any questions? _

_**Xal**: _

_Does this dress make me look fat? he's slapped Ow! _

_The four "girls" walk near the guards, giggling. _

_**Guard**: _

_Who's there? _

_**Guard #2**: _

_Concubines. _

_**Guard**: _

_Ugly concubines. _

_An apple rolls out of Yeshe's dress. One of the guards picks it up. The hawk notices Link hiding, and tries to call out, but Vagia breaths fire and torches him. _

_**Vagia**: _

_Now that's what I call Mongolian barbeque. _

_The guard hands the apple to Yeshe, but the Gang of Three all pull fruit out of their dresses and attack the guards with fruit._

_**Zelda**: _

_Link! Go! Link runs up the stairs and into the room where Ganondorf and the King are. _

_**Ganondorf**: _

_I tire of your arrogance, old man. Bow to me! _

_**King**: _

_No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it. _

_**Ganondorf**: _

_raising his sword Then you will kneel ... in pieces! He swings the sword; Link rushes in and blocks it. He is swung around a pillar, and then kicks Ganondorf in the face. _

_**Zelda**: _

_Wahuu, get the King! _

_**Wahuu**: _

_Sorry, your Majesty. He picks up the King, and, using his silk belt, slides down the cord paper lanterns are strung on. _

_**Ganondorf**: _

_No! He picks up Link and smashes his head against the wall. Zelda winces, then looks down at the ground, where Xal and Yeshe are waiting. _

_**Xal**: _

_Come on! _

_Zelda looks back at the unconscious Link, and at Ganondorf who is approaching him. She pulls Ganondorf's sword out of the pillar and cuts the cord. People below cheer. _

_**Ganondorf**: _

_No! He turns to Link, who is now conscious. You! You took away my victory! He is hit by a shoe. _

_**Zelda**: _

_No! I did. Puts a cowl on. _

_**Ganondorf**: _

_The soldier from the mountain! Abandoning Link, he chases after Zelda, who is putting on her shoe. She slams the door shut, and he rams his fist through the wood. Zelda is joined by Vagia and Crickee, riding the feather-less hawk. _

_**Vagia**: _

_So what's the plan? _

_**Zelda**: _

_Ummmmm ... _

_**Vagia**: _

_YOU DON'T HAVE A PLAN? _

_**Zelda**: _

_Hey, I'm making this up as I ... go ... as they pass a window she notices a pile of fireworks and two men. Vagia-- _

_**Vagia**: _

_Way ahead of you, sister! C'mon, Crickee! They jump onto a paper kite decoration and float across to the tower. Ganondorf attacks Zelda, and she shinnies up a pole. Ganondorf cuts down the pole, and Zelda and the pole go through the wall. Zelda jumps up and grabs onto the roof and pulls herself up. She looks across to where Vagia and Crickee are gathering ammunition. _

_**Vagia**: _

_Citizens. I need firepower! _

_**Citizen**: _

_Who are you? _

_**Mushu**: _

_looking fierce Your smallest nightmare. The two men jump off the tower. _

_**Man**: _

_Look! On the roof! _

_Zelda backs along the roof, mesuring the distance with her hands. Ganondorf crashes through the roof and raises his sword. Zelda pulls out a paper fan. _

_**Ganondorf**: _

_Guess you're out of ideas. He stabs the sword through the fan; Zelda turns it around and readies the sword. _

_**Zelda**: _

_Not quite. Ready, Vagia? _

_**Vagia**: _

_with a rocket strapped to his back I am ready, baby! He breaths fire on a stick and hands it to Crickee. Light me! _

_Zelda kicks Ganondorf in the face, then trips him and pins his shirt to the ground with the sword. Crickee lights the fuse, and the rocket slams Ganondorf straight into the firework tower. _

_**Zelda**: _

_picking up Vagia Get off the roof, get off the roof! As the fireworks explode, she jumps, catches a lantern and swings down the cord, then drops onto Link, who is running down the stairs. Ganondorf's sword and Vagia land nearby. _

_**Mushu**: _

_Ahahahahahaha! He catches Crickee You are a lucky bug! _

_**Humsau**: _

_That was a deliberate attempt on my life! Where is she? Now she's done it! What a mess! Stand aside, that creature's not worth protecting. _

_**Link**: _

_She's a hero! _

_**Humsau**: _

_She's a woman. She'll never be worth anything! _

_**Link**: _

_Listen, you pompous ... _

_**King**: _

_That is enough! _

_**Link**: _

_Your Majesty, I can explain! The King raises a hand and the Gang of Three move to the side, revealing Zelda. _

_**King**: _

_I know a great deal about you, Zelda. You stole your godfather's armor, ran away from home, impersonated a soldier, deceived your commanding officer, dishonored the Hyrule Army, destroyed my castle! And you have saved us all, my daughter._

every one is shocked, SHE is _the_ Princess Zelda!

_The King bows to her, and row by row, every person in Central Hyrule bows to her. _

_**Vagia**: _

_Our little baby is all grown up and saving Hyrule! To Crickee Do you have a tissue? _

_**King**: _

_Humsau! _

_**Humsau**: _

_Your Excellency? _

_**King**: _

_See that Zelda comes back to the castle, to be Princess. _

_**Humsau**: _

_What? There is no more room in the castle , your Majesty! _

_**King**: _

_Very well. You can have his room. _

_**Humsau: **_

_Wha? ... My? ... He faints. _

_**Zelda**: _

_With all due respect, father, I think I've been happy with the way you desided to raise me, with my godfather. He's probably worried. _

_**King**: _

_Then take this he hands her a pendant, so your family will know what you have done for me. And this he hands her the sword of Ganondorf so the world will know what you have done for Hyrule. _

_Zelda takes the gifts, then hugs the King _

_**Xal**: _

_Is she allowed to do that? Yeshe, Wahuu, and Link shrug. _

_Zelda steps away and hugs the Gang of Three, then walks over to Link. _

_**Link**: _

_Um ...Do you ... You fight good. _

_**Zelda**: _

_disappointed Oh. Thank you. She mounts Epona. _

_**Zelda**: _

_Epona, let's go home. As she rides away, everyone cheers. _

_**King**: _

_To Link The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all. _

_**Link**: _

_... Sir? ... _

_**King**: _

_You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty! He puts on his crown and walks away. _

_At Zelda's house _

_Zelda approaches her godfather, who is sitting under the cherry trees. She kneels in front of him. _

_**Henshal**: _

_Zelda! _

_**Zelda**: _

_Godfather! I've brought you the sword of Ganondorf. And the Crest of the King! They're gifts to honor the Fa Family. Her godfather drops the gifts and hugs her. _

_**Henshal**: _

_The greatest gift in honor is having you for a goddaughter. I've missed you so. _

_**Zelda**: _

_I've missed you too, godfather. _

_**Granny Fa**: _

_watching them Huh. She brings home a sword. If you ask me she should've brought home a ma… _

_**Link**: _

_Excuse me, does Princess Zelda live here? _

_Granny Fa and Kourein point, dumbstruck. _

_**Link**: _

_Thank you. _

_**Granny Fa**: _

_Woo! Sign me up for the next war! _

_**Link**: _

_Honorable Henshal, I-- Zelda! Unnn ... you forgot your helmet. Well, actually it's your helmet, isn't it, I mean ... _

_**Zelda**: _

_Would you like to stay for dinner? _

_**Granny Fa**: _

_Would you like to stay forever? _

_**Link**: _

_Dinner would be great. _

_**Vagia**: _

_to Great Ancestor Who did a good job? C'mon, tell me who did a good job. _

_**Great Ancestor**: _

_Oh, all right. You can be a guardian again. _

_**Vagia**: _

_AAAAAHHH-HAAAAAAAA! Whoohoohoohoohoooo! _

_Crickee rings the gong; all the ancestors come out. _

_**Vagia**: _

_Take it, Crickee! Crickee plays a set of drums, and all the ancestors dance. _

_**Ancestor #2**: _

_You know, she gets it from my side of the family! (Vagia swings on a chain, yelling. He falls off and goes sliding out the Temple door. _

_**Great Ancestor**: _

_Guardians. _

_**Zelda**: _

_Thanks, Vagia. She kisses him on the forehead. Suddenly, Little Brother, followed by a herd of_ _cucco, bursts into the Temple. _

_**Great Ancestor**: _

_VAGIA! _


End file.
